How does it feel, you ask.
Like my thoughts are ganging up against me,
and all they do is taunt and torment me.
Like there is a chasm in my heart,
and all it does is bleed and drip.
Like my muscles are weakened,
and all I can do is lie in bed,
feeling sorry for myself.
Like I’m alone,
even when I’m surrounded by people.
Like every bite of food is gravel against my tongue,
and I can’t stomach anymore.
It feels like I’m in limbo,
where yesterday was gray,
today is tormenting,
and the future bleak.
It feels like no one understands,
or wants to understand.
” You’re losing weight, are you dieting? Oh, it’s those instagram models. Don’t let their perfect bodies get into your head “
No, I’m not trying to lose weight.
No, you won’t get it.
I let it slide with a plastered smile and a nod,
and let myself weep behind closed doors.
What? I’m sorry,
I didn’t catch that.
Yes, I’ve thought of an out.
Gods, I’ve looked at the razor a hundred times,
wanting it against my skin.
I’ve wondered how it would feel to not feel.
If I ended it,
I could be free of the turmoil and pain.
I can’t summon the energy,
running from my troubles.
Who knows, I could be free of this.
One step at a time, right?
You said that last time.
That’s why I opted for this.