Fragments

I’m sorry
I’m sorry that when you stare at these broken pieces…
all you will see is nothingness,
incomplete puzzles that don’t make sense,
incomplete puzzles that you can never figure out.

I’m sorry that in my joy is –
a practised laugh,
a rehearsed pause.
In my silence are words stifled by fear,
yet I have no cause to be afraid.

I’m sorry that I have no charm,
my once present charm swept away by the river of rejection.
I’m sorry I have no quirks or the will to convince you to stay when I want you to stay,

I’m sorry my humour is as dry as the Chalbi,
and when I get the joke, it’s a decade too late
I’m sorry I have no talents,
no useful hobbies,
and no purpose to rise me out of bed.

I’m sorry my pain screams louder than any joy,
and doom is always shrouded in my smile.
I’m sorry my life feels like a replaced currency,
I’m sorry my tears are always on the verge of showing up to the party.

I’m sorry I say sorry this much,
I’m sorry I seem to need you too much
I’m sorry I’m an adult baby requiring your hand in mine-
So I can close my eyes from the world,
and pretend nothing is falling apart outside
I’m sorry I want you at night every night,
So I can keep the demons at bay by focusing on the light in you.

I’m afraid,
that is why I am as I am,
behaving as I do.
I apologize for being who I am,
damaged, jaded, forlorn.
It took years to chip away at the brightness,
It would take millenniums to find me again.