Failed

On this path again I tread alone…
Familiar dark feelings embrace me,
pointing to forgotten corners and alleys.
Their eyes I avoid,
afraid of what I’ll see there;
their love that I ran from,
the darkness and ugliness I felt free from.

In a life far from this path,
I loved.
I found someone I’d be good enough for.
Other feelings embraced me,
brighter and more vivid.

I failed,
I wasn’t good enough.
To the drudgery I was dragged from,
I creep back.
Shame a bright coat over me-
and all darkness I’d abandoned sees I fail.
One step in,
a step further and I settle home.
Home among the dark ghosts I tried forgetting.

My colourful emotions morph,
shaping into darker and uglier ghosts.
A little fire lies in me,
and even that I trod out.
A new ritual begins,
cutting out my heart and plating it,

setting it on table close to the door
And when she comes,
when she comes,
my heart will be waiting to be hers.
I close my eyes and let the dark consume,
home.
I feel at home at last.